ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
