last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
