I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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