It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
