My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
