Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
