go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
