I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize