And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I came so hard my ears popped.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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