shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
