Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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