I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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