dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
