I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
