you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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