still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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