I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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