I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize