Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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