you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
