the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
