you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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