oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
