I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
what day is it and did you see me today?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize