Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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