after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
