a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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