I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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