I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
My ass is underappreciated
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
