Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
