you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
