i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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