Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
