i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
