that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
