I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
