awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Randomize
