Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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