Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
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Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
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I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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