Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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