I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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