She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
