Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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