I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
