Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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