At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
just tell him i said nine months
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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