i wish my penis had a tongue
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
40s are totally the cure
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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