dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
