Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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