Rock
Scissors
Fuck
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
