People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
