everyone is single if you try hard enough
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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