you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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