That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
