i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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