Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
