we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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