I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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