hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
