I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
you never un-have a 4some
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
