i just wanna soil my oats bro
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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