o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
