thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
