he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
