It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Randomize
