Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
