the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
