If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
i think my cat just said my name.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
