Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
