Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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