I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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