I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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